Advice for the Mel Rowings of this world

[Keema's Nan]

IF you’re middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know that
you’re better than them. Here’s how to do it.

Post links to tedious online gallery tours

You can pretend you’ve been learning about Michelangelo’s paintings in
the Sistine Chapel, when actually you’ve been looking at the willies on the
Elgin Marbles or having a wank over the Mona Lisa.

Volunteer and make sure everyone knows about it

Make a lasagne to drop off at the door of a local elderly person. Everyone
will think you’re a saint when you post a picture on Facebook captioned
‘Just doing my bit!’ even though the truth is that you’re just
offloading some out-of-date mince that was lowering the tone of your fridge.

Boast about using your second home as an isolation chamber

Even though you’re staying in London for the moment because it’s
convenient to nip out to Waitrose, make sure your friends know you have a
six-bedroom ‘cottage’ waiting in Cornwall ‘just in case’.

Make sure everyone knows you have a ‘pantry’

Panic buying is for people who have cupboards. You, on the other hand, have
got a well-stocked pantry of essentials, including eggs from your bantams,
tins of caviar, and a case of Dom Perignon for when self-isolation gets you
down.

Enrol your grandchildren in unsuitable online courses

If Olivia and Marcus can’t go to school, it doesn’t mean they should stop
learning. Enrol them in courses called things like Experimental Jazz For
Toddlers and tell them they’ll thank you later when they say they’d
rather watch CBeebies.

Courtesy of Dailymash

[Ophelia]

Post by Keema's Nan
IF you’re middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know that
you’re better than them. Here’s how to do it.
Post links to tedious online gallery tours
You can pretend you’ve been learning about Michelangelo’s paintings in
the Sistine Chapel, when actually you’ve been looking at the willies on the
Elgin Marbles or having a wank over the Mona Lisa.
Volunteer and make sure everyone knows about it
Make a lasagne to drop off at the door of a local elderly person. Everyone
will think you’re a saint when you post a picture on Facebook captioned
‘Just doing my bit!’ even though the truth is that you’re just
offloading some out-of-date mince that was lowering the tone of your fridge.
Boast about using your second home as an isolation chamber
Even though you’re staying in London for the moment because it’s
convenient to nip out to Waitrose, make sure your friends know you have a
six-bedroom ‘cottage’ waiting in Cornwall ‘just in case’.
Make sure everyone knows you have a ‘pantry’
Panic buying is for people who have cupboards. You, on the other hand, have
got a well-stocked pantry of essentials, including eggs from your bantams,
tins of caviar, and a case of Dom Perignon for when self-isolation gets you
down.
Enrol your grandchildren in unsuitable online courses
If Olivia and Marcus can’t go to school, it doesn’t mean they should stop
learning. Enrol them in courses called things like Experimental Jazz For
Toddlers and tell them they’ll thank you later when they say they’d
rather watch CBeebies.
Courtesy of Dailymash

LOL well we don't have a second home, but we do keep a caravan in Yorkshire!
Does that qualify??

[Keema's Nan]

Post by Ophelia

Post by Keema's Nan
IF you’re middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know that
you’re better than them. Here’s how to do it.
Post links to tedious online gallery tours
You can pretend you’ve been learning about Michelangelo’s paintings in
the Sistine Chapel, when actually you’ve been looking at the willies on the
Elgin Marbles or having a wank over the Mona Lisa.
Volunteer and make sure everyone knows about it
Make a lasagne to drop off at the door of a local elderly person. Everyone
will think you’re a saint when you post a picture on Facebook captioned
‘Just doing my bit!’ even though the truth is that you’re just
offloading some out-of-date mince that was lowering the tone of your fridge.
Boast about using your second home as an isolation chamber
Even though you’re staying in London for the moment because it’s
convenient to nip out to Waitrose, make sure your friends know you have a
six-bedroom ‘cottage’ waiting in Cornwall ‘just in case’.
Make sure everyone knows you have a ‘pantry’
Panic buying is for people who have cupboards. You, on the other hand, have
got a well-stocked pantry of essentials, including eggs from your bantams,
tins of caviar, and a case of Dom Perignon for when self-isolation gets you
down.
Enrol your grandchildren in unsuitable online courses
If Olivia and Marcus can’t go to school, it doesn’t mean they should stop
learning. Enrol them in courses called things like Experimental Jazz For
Toddlers and tell them they’ll thank you later when they say they’d
rather watch CBeebies.
Courtesy of Dailymash

LOL well we don't have a second home, but we do keep a caravan in Yorkshire!
Does that qualify??

Caravan’s are exempt, because I love them.

I think it is their compact order which attracts me.

I have my Dad’s bungalow in Norfolk which no one has bought, and unlikely
to be anyone viewing for the foreseeable. I suppose that could be counted as
almost a second home.

[Ophelia]

Post by Keema's Nan

Post by Ophelia

Post by Keema's Nan
IF you’re middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know that
you’re better than them. Here’s how to do it.
Post links to tedious online gallery tours
You can pretend you’ve been learning about Michelangelo’s paintings in
the Sistine Chapel, when actually you’ve been looking at the willies on the
Elgin Marbles or having a wank over the Mona Lisa.
Volunteer and make sure everyone knows about it
Make a lasagne to drop off at the door of a local elderly person. Everyone
will think you’re a saint when you post a picture on Facebook captioned
‘Just doing my bit!’ even though the truth is that you’re just
offloading some out-of-date mince that was lowering the tone of your fridge.
Boast about using your second home as an isolation chamber
Even though you’re staying in London for the moment because it’s
convenient to nip out to Waitrose, make sure your friends know you have a
six-bedroom ‘cottage’ waiting in Cornwall ‘just in case’.
Make sure everyone knows you have a ‘pantry’
Panic buying is for people who have cupboards. You, on the other hand, have
got a well-stocked pantry of essentials, including eggs from your bantams,
tins of caviar, and a case of Dom Perignon for when self-isolation gets you
down.
Enrol your grandchildren in unsuitable online courses
If Olivia and Marcus can’t go to school, it doesn’t mean they should stop
learning. Enrol them in courses called things like Experimental Jazz For
Toddlers and tell them they’ll thank you later when they say they’d
rather watch CBeebies.
Courtesy of Dailymash

LOL well we don't have a second home, but we do keep a caravan in Yorkshire!
Does that qualify??

Caravan’s are exempt, because I love them.
I think it is their compact order which attracts me.
I have my Dad’s bungalow in Norfolk which no one has bought, and unlikely
to be anyone viewing for the foreseeable. I suppose that could be counted as
almost a second home.

Hey you could strut about that one:))

[Incubus]

Post by Ophelia

Post by Keema's Nan
IF you’re middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know that
you’re better than them. Here’s how to do it.
Post links to tedious online gallery tours
You can pretend you’ve been learning about Michelangelo’s paintings in
the Sistine Chapel, when actually you’ve been looking at the willies on the
Elgin Marbles or having a wank over the Mona Lisa.
Volunteer and make sure everyone knows about it
Make a lasagne to drop off at the door of a local elderly person. Everyone
will think you’re a saint when you post a picture on Facebook captioned
‘Just doing my bit!’ even though the truth is that you’re just
offloading some out-of-date mince that was lowering the tone of your fridge.
Boast about using your second home as an isolation chamber
Even though you’re staying in London for the moment because it’s
convenient to nip out to Waitrose, make sure your friends know you have a
six-bedroom ‘cottage’ waiting in Cornwall ‘just in case’.
Make sure everyone knows you have a ‘pantry’
Panic buying is for people who have cupboards. You, on the other hand, have
got a well-stocked pantry of essentials, including eggs from your bantams,
tins of caviar, and a case of Dom Perignon for when self-isolation gets you
down.
Enrol your grandchildren in unsuitable online courses
If Olivia and Marcus can’t go to school, it doesn’t mean they should stop
learning. Enrol them in courses called things like Experimental Jazz For
Toddlers and tell them they’ll thank you later when they say they’d
rather watch CBeebies.
Courtesy of Dailymash

LOL well we don't have a second home, but we do keep a caravan in Yorkshire!
Does that qualify??

It means you're a part time gypsy :D

[Ophelia]

Post by Incubus

Post by Ophelia

Post by Keema's Nan
IF you’re middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know that
you’re better than them. Here’s how to do it.
Post links to tedious online gallery tours
You can pretend you’ve been learning about Michelangelo’s paintings in
the Sistine Chapel, when actually you’ve been looking at the willies on the
Elgin Marbles or having a wank over the Mona Lisa.
Volunteer and make sure everyone knows about it
Make a lasagne to drop off at the door of a local elderly person. Everyone
will think you’re a saint when you post a picture on Facebook captioned
‘Just doing my bit!’ even though the truth is that you’re just
offloading some out-of-date mince that was lowering the tone of your fridge.
Boast about using your second home as an isolation chamber
Even though you’re staying in London for the moment because it’s
convenient to nip out to Waitrose, make sure your friends know you have a
six-bedroom ‘cottage’ waiting in Cornwall ‘just in case’.
Make sure everyone knows you have a ‘pantry’
Panic buying is for people who have cupboards. You, on the other hand, have
got a well-stocked pantry of essentials, including eggs from your bantams,
tins of caviar, and a case of Dom Perignon for when self-isolation gets you
down.
Enrol your grandchildren in unsuitable online courses
If Olivia and Marcus can’t go to school, it doesn’t mean they should stop
learning. Enrol them in courses called things like Experimental Jazz For
Toddlers and tell them they’ll thank you later when they say they’d
rather watch CBeebies.
Courtesy of Dailymash

LOL well we don't have a second home, but we do keep a caravan in Yorkshire!
Does that qualify??

It means you're a part time gypsy :D

LOL only a couple of times a year:)))

[Pamela]

IF you're middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know
that you're better than them. Here's how to do it.
Post links to tedious online gallery tours
You can pretend you've been learning about Michelangelo's paintings
in the Sistine Chapel, when actually you've been looking at the
willies on the Elgin Marbles or having a wank over the Mona Lisa.
Volunteer and make sure everyone knows about it
Make a lasagne to drop off at the door of a local elderly person.
Everyone will think you're a saint when you post a picture on Facebook
captioned 'Just doing my bit!' even though the truth is that
you're just offloading some out-of-date mince that was lowering the
tone of your fridge.
Boast about using your second home as an isolation chamber
Even though you're staying in London for the moment because it's
convenient to nip out to Waitrose, make sure your friends know you have
a six-bedroom 'cottage' waiting in Cornwall 'just in case'.
Make sure everyone knows you have a 'pantry'
Panic buying is for people who have cupboards. You, on the other hand,
have got a well-stocked pantry of essentials, including eggs from your
bantams, tins of caviar, and a case of Dom Perignon for when
self-isolation gets you down.
Enrol your grandchildren in unsuitable online courses
If Olivia and Marcus can't go to school, it doesn't mean they should
stop learning. Enrol them in courses called things like Experimental
Jazz For Toddlers and tell them they'll thank you later when they say
they'd rather watch CBeebies.
Courtesy of Dailymash

Very good! Also take your schoolkids to the supermarket with you, as they
can't go to school, and make sure they touch everything in the shop while
coughing and sneezing.

By the way, I was surprised at the hostility shown by the media to those
folks escaping the cities by moving into the countryside. I can
understand country folk not being very happy at having newcomers but the
media also showed disapproval.

Isn't this how people have escaped diseases since time immemorial? Seems
very sensible, especially given the low levels of infection currently.
Seems it's not good form right now.

[Keema's Nan]

IF you're middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know
that you're better than them. Here's how to do it.
Post links to tedious online gallery tours
You can pretend you've been learning about Michelangelo's paintings
in the Sistine Chapel, when actually you've been looking at the
willies on the Elgin Marbles or having a wank over the Mona Lisa.
Volunteer and make sure everyone knows about it
Make a lasagne to drop off at the door of a local elderly person.
Everyone will think you're a saint when you post a picture on Facebook
captioned 'Just doing my bit!' even though the truth is that
you're just offloading some out-of-date mince that was lowering the
tone of your fridge.
Boast about using your second home as an isolation chamber
Even though you're staying in London for the moment because it's
convenient to nip out to Waitrose, make sure your friends know you have
a six-bedroom 'cottage' waiting in Cornwall 'just in case'.
Make sure everyone knows you have a 'pantry'
Panic buying is for people who have cupboards. You, on the other hand,
have got a well-stocked pantry of essentials, including eggs from your
bantams, tins of caviar, and a case of Dom Perignon for when
self-isolation gets you down.
Enrol your grandchildren in unsuitable online courses
If Olivia and Marcus can't go to school, it doesn't mean they should
stop learning. Enrol them in courses called things like Experimental
Jazz For Toddlers and tell them they'll thank you later when they say
they'd rather watch CBeebies.
Courtesy of Dailymash

Very good! Also take your schoolkids to the supermarket with you, as they
can't go to school, and make sure they touch everything in the shop while
coughing and sneezing.
By the way, I was surprised at the hostility shown by the media to those
folks escaping the cities by moving into the countryside. I can
understand country folk not being very happy at having newcomers but the
media also showed disapproval.
Isn't this how people have escaped diseases since time immemorial? Seems
very sensible, especially given the low levels of infection currently.
Seems it's not good form right now.

Yes, it does seem very strange.

I’m assuming the security services will voluntarily cut their staff by 75%
as there are no people to monitor in the streets or at our borders?

Or probably not - because they love the gravy train, so they will insist they
need twice as many staff to monitor people in their homes via laptop and
smartphone 24/7.Anyone audibly planning on going out of their front door will
find a black Mercedes drawing up outside their house, and arrest will be
mandatory.

[Pamela]

Post by Keema's Nan

IF you're middle-class and self-isolating, people still need to know
that you're better than them. Here's how to do it.
Post links to tedious online gallery tours
You can pretend you've been learning about Michelangelo's paintings
in the Sistine Chapel, when actually you've been looking at the
willies on the Elgin Marbles or having a wank over the Mona Lisa.
Volunteer and make sure everyone knows about it
Make a lasagne to drop off at the door of a local elderly person.
Everyone will think you're a saint when you post a picture on
Facebook captioned 'Just doing my bit!' even though the truth is that
you're just offloading some out-of-date mince that was lowering the
tone of your fridge.
Boast about using your second home as an isolation chamber
Even though you're staying in London for the moment because it's
convenient to nip out to Waitrose, make sure your friends know you
have a six-bedroom 'cottage' waiting in Cornwall 'just in case'.
Make sure everyone knows you have a 'pantry'
Panic buying is for people who have cupboards. You, on the other
hand, have got a well-stocked pantry of essentials, including eggs
from your bantams, tins of caviar, and a case of Dom Perignon for
when self-isolation gets you down.
Enrol your grandchildren in unsuitable online courses
If Olivia and Marcus can't go to school, it doesn't mean they should
stop learning. Enrol them in courses called things like Experimental
Jazz For Toddlers and tell them they'll thank you later when they say
they'd rather watch CBeebies.
Courtesy of Dailymash

Very good! Also take your schoolkids to the supermarket with you, as
they can't go to school, and make sure they touch everything in the
shop while coughing and sneezing.
By the way, I was surprised at the hostility shown by the media to
those folks escaping the cities by moving into the countryside. I can
understand country folk not being very happy at having newcomers but
the media also showed disapproval.
Isn't this how people have escaped diseases since time immemorial?
Seems very sensible, especially given the low levels of infection
currently. Seems it's not good form right now.

Yes, it does seem very strange.
I'm assuming the security services will voluntarily cut their staff by
75% as there are no people to monitor in the streets or at our borders?
Or probably not - because they love the gravy train, so they will insist
they need twice as many staff to monitor people in their homes via
laptop and smartphone 24/7.Anyone audibly planning on going out of their
front door will find a black Mercedes drawing up outside their house,
and arrest will be mandatory.

It won't be long before we get the South Korean system of phone tracking
people with coronavirus and displaying their personal itinerary for all to
see.