Psych behavior revisited: The parasite continues to be an embarrassment to society

[Jane Margaret Laight]

On Aug 11, 2:39 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

Our friend DP and his keeper are walking down a hot Manhattan sidewalk
when DP notices a fly sitting on a pile of horse manure.

DP: Boy, he had to go bad, didn't he?

[Jane Margaret Laight]

On Aug 15, 1:48 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

ADVANTAGES OF REACHING 50-PLUS

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

9. You can live without $ex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay
off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National
Weather Service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

[Cory Bhreckan]

Post by Jane Margaret Laight
ADVANTAGES OF REACHING 50-PLUS
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without $ex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay
off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National
Weather Service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. Your broad mind and narrow waist have exchanged places.

[La N.]

Post by Cory Bhreckan

Post by Jane Margaret Laight
ADVANTAGES OF REACHING 50-PLUS
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without $ex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay
off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National
Weather Service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. Your broad mind and narrow waist have exchanged places.

21. You're depressed because the Monkees have cancelled the rest of their
tour.

- nilita

[Cory Bhreckan]

Post by La N.

Post by Cory Bhreckan

Post by Jane Margaret Laight
ADVANTAGES OF REACHING 50-PLUS
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without $ex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay
off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National
Weather Service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. Your broad mind and narrow waist have exchanged places.

21. You're depressed because the Monkees have cancelled the rest of their
tour.
- nilita

Speak for yourself.

[Bryn Fraser]

Post by Jane Margaret Laight
ADVANTAGES OF REACHING 50-PLUS
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without $ex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay
off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National
Weather Service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. Now I am depressed.

Bryn

[Cory Bhreckan]

Post by Bryn Fraser

Post by Jane Margaret Laight
ADVANTAGES OF REACHING 50-PLUS
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without $ex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay
off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National
Weather Service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. Now I am depressed.
Bryn

I already claimed 20, get your own d*mned number!

[Jane Margaret Laight]

On Aug 16, 4:08 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large
plastic garbage bags behind her.

One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out
onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh really… Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back
and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."

Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that
money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next
to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in
my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off.
Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of
it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet,
with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through
my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give
me $20, or off it comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

[Jane Margaret Laight]

On Aug 18, 3:22 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to
play with them....they decided it was because they had not been
baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest church. Only the custodian was there. One
said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play
with us. Will you baptize us?"

So he took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet
bowl one at a time. He said, "Now go out and play."

When they got outside, dripping wet, the oldest one asked, "What
religion do you think we are? We're not Katlick, because they pour the
water."

" We're not Babdist because they dunk all of you."

"We're not Methdiss because they just sprinkle you."

The littlest one said, "Can't you tell by the smell of that baptismal
water what we are?.......Why, we're Pisscopalians."

[Jane Margaret Laight]

On Aug 19, 2:39 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

There was a feller who was half Scots and half Irish.

He badly wanted a drink of whisky, but couldn't bring himself to buy
one.

[Jane Margaret Laight]

As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young girl
named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to
New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show
business.

Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday
night went to confession in the church which she had always attended
as a child.

In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking
her about her work.

She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know
what that meant.

She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on
stage.

She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father
Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits,
handsprings and backflips.

Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-
aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one
said to the other:

"Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this
night, and me without me bloomers on!"

[Jane Margaret Laight]

On Aug 21, 3:19 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.

DP: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

[Jane Margaret Laight]

On Aug 22, 3:27 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

Sarah Palin sat on an ice floe a bit too long; when she got back home,
she was rushed to the hospital to be treated for polaroids.

(yes, that dates me--will explain, if I have to)

[Jane Margaret Laight]

On Aug 23, 3:58 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

Did you hear about the disappointed lover from Mumbai who lay on the
railway tracks to die?

A passer-by asked why he had a rice and curry lunchbox with him.

He replies: “In this country, you can starve to death waiting for a
train.”

(courtesy of Rajiv Charanal)

[Jane Margaret Laight]

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the
United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

The UN representative from India began: "Before beginning my talk I
want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom
Kashmir is named.

"When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a
good opportunity to have a bath.'

"He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the
water.

"When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A
Pakistani had stolen them."

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, "What
are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then."

The Indian representative smiled and said, "And now that we have made
that clear, I will begin my speech."

[courtesy of Rajiv Charanal]

[Jane Margaret Laight]

On Aug 27, 2:00 am, DP <***@destroypsychiatry.org> wrote:

The ruler of a primitive but strategically-important third world
nation visits the U.S. for the first time.

As the fearless leader was being wined and dined by U.S. officials in
a four-star restaurant, his thirst was huge but he was distrustful of
the water he was being served by the over-solicitous staff.

He quietly instructed his servant to go and fetch him a glass of
water.

Time and again, the ruler motioned his servant to fetch more water,
and he would scamper off and return with yet another glass.

On the fifth trip, though, the servant returned empty-handed.

“You wretched man, why have you returned without what I ask?” demanded
the ruler.

“I beg your forgiveness, O Illustrious One," stammered the servant.
“When I returned to the well, the white man was sitting upon it!”