Racist Joke

[allan tracy]

Which is the racist joke and why?

Bernard Manning (to audience of police officers): If you get stopped
for drunk driving you'll be given the warning that anything you say
may be taken down and used in evidence against you, to which you must
say, "Please don't hit me again officer" and if you're black, "Again
and again officer".

Lenny Henry (to old black lady in audience): And where are you from
(Grenada)? Oh this must come as a big surprise to you all this
electricity and lights.

I gues this is a racist joke.

Bernard Manning: An Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman and Irishman are
taken prisoner by the Iraqis.

They're taken to one side and told we're going to shoot you but you
can all have one last wish.

Welshman: I'd like a hundred male voice choir to sing Men of Harlech.

Scotsman: I'd like a hundred pipers to play Flower of Scotland

Irishman: I'd like a hundred dancers to dance the Riverdance.

Englishman : Can you shoot me first.

[TV Magic]

Post by allan tracy
Which is the racist joke and why?
Bernard Manning (to audience of police officers): If you get stopped
for drunk driving you'll be given the warning that anything you say
may be taken down and used in evidence against you, to which you must
say, "Please don't hit me again officer" and if you're black, "Again
and again officer".
Lenny Henry (to old black lady in audience): And where are you from
(Grenada)? Oh this must come as a big surprise to you all this
electricity and lights.
I gues this is a racist joke.
Bernard Manning: An Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman and Irishman are
taken prisoner by the Iraqis.
They're taken to one side and told we're going to shoot you but you
can all have one last wish.
Welshman: I'd like a hundred male voice choir to sing Men of Harlech.
Scotsman: I'd like a hundred pipers to play Flower of Scotland
Irishman: I'd like a hundred dancers to dance the Riverdance.
Englishman : Can you shoot me first.

Basically it can't be Lenny Henrys joke , for gods sake the mans black , he
aint white.

[Alan Hope]

Post by TV Magic

Post by allan tracy
Which is the racist joke and why?
Bernard Manning (to audience of police officers): If you get stopped
for drunk driving you'll be given the warning that anything you say
may be taken down and used in evidence against you, to which you must
say, "Please don't hit me again officer" and if you're black, "Again
and again officer".
Lenny Henry (to old black lady in audience): And where are you from
(Grenada)? Oh this must come as a big surprise to you all this
electricity and lights.
I gues this is a racist joke.
Bernard Manning: An Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman and Irishman are
taken prisoner by the Iraqis.
They're taken to one side and told we're going to shoot you but you
can all have one last wish.
Welshman: I'd like a hundred male voice choir to sing Men of Harlech.
Scotsman: I'd like a hundred pipers to play Flower of Scotland
Irishman: I'd like a hundred dancers to dance the Riverdance.
Englishman : Can you shoot me first.

Basically it can't be Lenny Henrys joke , for gods sake the mans black , he
aint white.

It's also not a racist joke because it says nothing about the old lady
being black. The lady in question happened to be black, but the joke
doesn't depend on that.

The Englishman Irishman etc is not racist because you can go too far
with that sort of bollocks, and the Scots are not a race.

And the first one isn't racist because the butt of the joke is the
police, not the victim. I'm sure Manning's intent was to sneer *with*
the assembled police at their tendency to beat up black men, but the
racism is not in the joke itself.

So there's not a true racist joke among them, though they're all
pretty pisspoor.

[Julian Karswell]

Post by allan tracy
Which is the racist joke and why?
Bernard Manning (to audience of police officers): If you get stopped
for drunk driving you'll be given the warning that anything you say
may be taken down and used in evidence against you, to which you must
say, "Please don't hit me again officer" and if you're black, "Again
and again officer".
Lenny Henry (to old black lady in audience): And where are you from
(Grenada)? Oh this must come as a big surprise to you all this
electricity and lights.
I gues this is a racist joke.
Bernard Manning: An Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman and Irishman are
taken prisoner by the Iraqis.
They're taken to one side and told we're going to shoot you but you
can all have one last wish.
Welshman: I'd like a hundred male voice choir to sing Men of Harlech.
Scotsman: I'd like a hundred pipers to play Flower of Scotland
Irishman: I'd like a hundred dancers to dance the Riverdance.
Englishman : Can you shoot me first.

I like the last one.

It's been 'de rigeur' to lampoon the English in the last few years.
Hollywood likes to cast its villains as English and comedians with
unpronouncable names like 'Dara O'Breen' (or whatever it is) invite us
to poke slightly malicious fun at ourselves for their vengeful
benefit. However, it is an inescapable fact that the Welsh, the Scots
and the Irish have inflcited some truly hideous cultural art, recipes
and clothing upon the world throughout the annals of history. From the
kilt, the Bay City Rollers, the Scots football team and those weird
Welsh national dresses, to the haggis, The Proclaimers and close
harmony singing, the English have been obliged to respect a plethora
of godawful awfulness just because we are supposed to feel guilty
about oppressing these attached minor colonies. When I think of all
the money we wasted on the Channel Tunnel - money that could have been
spent by building a hundred foot wall along the Welsh and Scottish
borders - well, it makes my blood boil.

I ask you, what have the Scots, Welsh or Irish ever done for us, eh?
Bleed us dry and then grumble about their dependency.

Mischieviously polemical,

Julian Karswell

[Col]

Post by Julian Karswell
Mischieviously polemical,

Quite Mr Barker, Sir.

Although my only real gripe is that of The Proclaimers.
What *were* they thinking of?
They have the hallmark of a genetic experiment that
went horribly *horribly* wrong.......

[Julian Karswell]

Post by Col

Post by Julian Karswell
Mischieviously polemical,

Quite Mr Barker, Sir.
Although my only real gripe is that of The Proclaimers.
What *were* they thinking of?
They have the hallmark of a genetic experiment that
went horribly *horribly* wrong.......
--
Col
Steal a spaceship and head for the sun,
Shoot the stars with a lemonade ray gun.

Ah, but the Jesus & Mary Chain make up for them. They are the cosmic
counter-balance.

[Alan Hope]

Post by Col

Post by Julian Karswell
Mischieviously polemical,

Quite Mr Barker, Sir.
Although my only real gripe is that of The Proclaimers.
What *were* they thinking of?
They have the hallmark of a genetic experiment that
went horribly *horribly* wrong.......

Whereas Oasis are just normal English boys, albeit a tad monobrowed.

The Proclaimers are feted the world over, because people admire their
authenticity, and their intelligence. It's not every monozygotic pop
duo that can sing about Alistair Cooke's Letter from America and Come
On, Nietzsche one after the other.

[Enzo Matrix]

Post by Alan Hope

Post by Col

Post by Julian Karswell
Mischieviously polemical,

Quite Mr Barker, Sir.
Although my only real gripe is that of The Proclaimers.
What *were* they thinking of?
They have the hallmark of a genetic experiment that
went horribly *horribly* wrong.......

Whereas Oasis are just normal English boys, albeit a tad monobrowed.
The Proclaimers are feted the world over, because people admire their
authenticity

And yet, their Scots accents were so bland that they had to take lessons
from a speech therapist to produce the cartoon "see-you-Jimmy" accent that
they sing with.

[Enzo Matrix]

Post by Enzo Matrix

Post by Alan Hope

Post by Col

Post by Julian Karswell
Mischieviously polemical,

Quite Mr Barker, Sir.
Although my only real gripe is that of The Proclaimers.
What *were* they thinking of?
They have the hallmark of a genetic experiment that
went horribly *horribly* wrong.......

Whereas Oasis are just normal English boys, albeit a tad monobrowed.
The Proclaimers are feted the world over, because people admire their
authenticity

And yet, their Scots accents were so bland that they had to take
lessons from a speech therapist to produce the cartoon
"see-you-Jimmy" accent that they sing with.

Oh *BUM* ! I ended a sentence with a preposition. Sorry....

[Ophelia]

Post by Enzo Matrix

Post by Enzo Matrix

Post by Alan Hope

Post by Col

Post by Julian Karswell
Mischieviously polemical,

Quite Mr Barker, Sir.
Although my only real gripe is that of The Proclaimers.
What *were* they thinking of?
They have the hallmark of a genetic experiment that
went horribly *horribly* wrong.......

Whereas Oasis are just normal English boys, albeit a tad monobrowed.
The Proclaimers are feted the world over, because people admire
their authenticity

And yet, their Scots accents were so bland that they had to take
lessons from a speech therapist to produce the cartoon
"see-you-Jimmy" accent that they sing with.

Oh *BUM* ! I ended a sentence with a preposition. Sorry....

*point*

[Norman Wells]

Post by Enzo Matrix

Post by Enzo Matrix
And yet, their Scots accents were so bland that they had to take
lessons from a speech therapist to produce the cartoon
"see-you-Jimmy" accent that they sing with.

Oh *BUM* ! I ended a sentence with a preposition. Sorry....

I agree. It's something up with which we should not put.

[Ian F.]

Post by Norman Wells
I agree. It's something up with which we should not put.

An English teacher of mine once said "You should never use a preposition
to end a sentence with". I don't think it was original.

Ian

[Julian Karswell]

Post by Norman Wells

Post by Enzo Matrix

Post by Enzo Matrix
And yet, their Scots accents were so bland that they had to take
lessons from a speech therapist to produce the cartoon
"see-you-Jimmy" accent that they sing with.

Oh *BUM* ! I ended a sentence with a preposition. Sorry....

I agree. It's something up with which we should not put.
--
Norman Wells
NG

Steady lad. There are some round here who have argued that to quote a
third party is proof positive that you don't have any original ideas
yourself.

Julian Karswell
(Who must be dim because he knows you are referencing Winston
Churchill)

[Trash Folder]

Post by Enzo Matrix
Oh *BUM* ! I ended a sentence with a preposition. Sorry....

Don't worry - it's nothing to be ashamed of.

[Enzo Matrix]

Post by Julian Karswell

Post by allan tracy
Which is the racist joke and why?
Bernard Manning (to audience of police officers): If you get stopped
for drunk driving you'll be given the warning that anything you say
may be taken down and used in evidence against you, to which you must
say, "Please don't hit me again officer" and if you're black, "Again
and again officer".
Lenny Henry (to old black lady in audience): And where are you from
(Grenada)? Oh this must come as a big surprise to you all this
electricity and lights.
I gues this is a racist joke.
Bernard Manning: An Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman and Irishman are
taken prisoner by the Iraqis.
They're taken to one side and told we're going to shoot you but you
can all have one last wish.
Welshman: I'd like a hundred male voice choir to sing Men of Harlech.
Scotsman: I'd like a hundred pipers to play Flower of Scotland
Irishman: I'd like a hundred dancers to dance the Riverdance.
Englishman : Can you shoot me first.

I like the last one.
It's been 'de rigeur' to lampoon the English in the last few years.
Hollywood likes to cast its villains as English and comedians with
unpronouncable names like 'Dara O'Breen' (or whatever it is) invite us
to poke slightly malicious fun at ourselves for their vengeful
benefit. However, it is an inescapable fact that the Welsh, the Scots
and the Irish have inflcited some truly hideous cultural art, recipes
and clothing upon the world throughout the annals of history. From the
kilt, the Bay City Rollers, the Scots football team and those weird
Welsh national dresses, to the haggis

Awww, come *on* , minger! Haggis?

Quite simply, haggis is the food of the gods!

[S***@mailinator.com]

Post by Julian Karswell

Post by allan tracy
Which is the racist joke and why?
Bernard Manning (to audience of police officers): If you get stopped
for drunk driving you'll be given the warning that anything you say
may be taken down and used in evidence against you, to which you must
say, "Please don't hit me again officer" and if you're black, "Again
and again officer".
Lenny Henry (to old black lady in audience): And where are you from
(Grenada)? Oh this must come as a big surprise to you all this
electricity and lights.
I gues this is a racist joke.
Bernard Manning: An Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman and Irishman are
taken prisoner by the Iraqis.
They're taken to one side and told we're going to shoot you but you
can all have one last wish.
Welshman: I'd like a hundred male voice choir to sing Men of Harlech.
Scotsman: I'd like a hundred pipers to play Flower of Scotland
Irishman: I'd like a hundred dancers to dance the Riverdance.
Englishman : Can you shoot me first.

I like the last one.
It's been 'de rigeur' to lampoon the English in the last few years.
Hollywood likes to cast its villains as English and comedians with
unpronouncable names like 'Dara O'Breen' (or whatever it is) invite us
to poke slightly malicious fun at ourselves for their vengeful
benefit. However, it is an inescapable fact that the Welsh, the Scots
and the Irish have inflcited some truly hideous cultural art, recipes
and clothing upon the world throughout the annals of history. From the
kilt, the Bay City Rollers, the Scots football team and those weird
Welsh national dresses, to the haggis, The Proclaimers and close
harmony singing, the English have been obliged to respect a plethora
of godawful awfulness just because we are supposed to feel guilty
about oppressing these attached minor colonies. When I think of all

We won't mention Morris Dancing or bowler hats

Post by Julian Karswell
the money we wasted on the Channel Tunnel - money that could have been
spent by building a hundred foot wall along the Welsh and Scottish
borders - well, it makes my blood boil.
I ask you, what have the Scots, Welsh or Irish ever done for us, eh?
Bleed us dry and then grumble about their dependency.
Mischieviously polemical,
Julian Karswell

[williemeikle]

Post by S***@mailinator.com

Post by Julian Karswell

Post by allan tracy
Which is the racist joke and why?
Bernard Manning (to audience of police officers): If you get stopped
for drunk driving you'll be given the warning that anything you say
may be taken down and used in evidence against you, to which you must
say, "Please don't hit me again officer" and if you're black, "Again
and again officer".
Lenny Henry (to old black lady in audience): And where are you from
(Grenada)? Oh this must come as a big surprise to you all this
electricity and lights.
I gues this is a racist joke.
Bernard Manning: An Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman and Irishman are
taken prisoner by the Iraqis.
They're taken to one side and told we're going to shoot you but you
can all have one last wish.
Welshman: I'd like a hundred male voice choir to sing Men of Harlech.
Scotsman: I'd like a hundred pipers to play Flower of Scotland
Irishman: I'd like a hundred dancers to dance the Riverdance.
Englishman : Can you shoot me first.

I like the last one.
It's been 'de rigeur' to lampoon the English in the last few years.
Hollywood likes to cast its villains as English and comedians with
unpronouncable names like 'Dara O'Breen' (or whatever it is) invite us
to poke slightly malicious fun at ourselves for their vengeful
benefit. However, it is an inescapable fact that the Welsh, the Scots
and the Irish have inflcited some truly hideous cultural art, recipes
and clothing upon the world throughout the annals of history. From the
kilt, the Bay City Rollers, the Scots football team and those weird
Welsh national dresses, to the haggis, The Proclaimers and close
harmony singing, the English have been obliged to respect a plethora
of godawful awfulness just because we are supposed to feel guilty
about oppressing these attached minor colonies. When I think of all

We won't mention Morris Dancing or bowler hats

Or Chas and Dave.....

[Knackers]

Allan Tracy walks into a shop and asks for the Daily Mail as his
internet is down and he wants to be told what to be outraged
at today,

Shopkeeper: "That will be 40p please"
Allan Tracy: "What happened to shillings and pence. This is just
typical of the political correctness and anti-britishness of New Labour."
Shopkeeper: "Just f*ck off you sad obsessive cnut, before I call the
police. Again."

The police come and throw him in the back of a meat wagon.
Allan Tracy: "You wouldn't be throwing me in the back here if
I was black would you? Even the police are full of the
socialist left pandering to the PC brigade. I blame Gordon Brown."
Policeman: "Shut up or we'll give you a kicking, do you never
just shut-the-f*ck-up?"

One well deserved shoeing later, in hospital (unfortunately not
psychiatric), the Nurse who drew the short straw comes to change
the dressings. Dressings on wounds inflicted by the nations finest
(to the cheers of onlookers) on living jabbering sad proof that
care in the community doesn't work.
Nurse: "Can you shift onto your side please so I can dress that?"
Allan Tracy: "No, this is just what I would expect from the nanny
state. Who are you to tell me what to do? I blame Gordon
Brown. And New Labour. And Socalists. And the Left. And Gordon
Brown. You can stick your socialst health care. I shall bleed to
death, like he bleeds us of taxes. He invented bleeding you know.
Typical of the left. And socialists. And political correctness."
Nurse: "..... ... .... ... F*ckwit".

Later in the empty crematorium ...

Funny? Probably not. Hey ho. I'm a spitfire pilot not a comedian.
But very *strangely* believable scenarios though? :)

[Enzo Matrix]

Post by Knackers
Allan Tracy walks into a shop and asks for the Daily Mail as his
internet is down and he wants to be told what to be outraged
at today,
Shopkeeper: "That will be 40p please"
Allan Tracy: "What happened to shillings and pence. This is just
typical of the political correctness and anti-britishness of New
Labour." Shopkeeper: "Just f*ck off you sad obsessive cnut, before I
call the police. Again."
The police come and throw him in the back of a meat wagon.
Allan Tracy: "You wouldn't be throwing me in the back here if
I was black would you? Even the police are full of the
socialist left pandering to the PC brigade. I blame Gordon Brown."
Policeman: "Shut up or we'll give you a kicking, do you never
just shut-the-f*ck-up?"
One well deserved shoeing later, in hospital (unfortunately not
psychiatric), the Nurse who drew the short straw comes to change
the dressings. Dressings on wounds inflicted by the nations finest
(to the cheers of onlookers) on living jabbering sad proof that
care in the community doesn't work.
Nurse: "Can you shift onto your side please so I can dress that?"
Allan Tracy: "No, this is just what I would expect from the nanny
state. Who are you to tell me what to do? I blame Gordon
Brown. And New Labour. And Socalists. And the Left. And Gordon
Brown. You can stick your socialst health care. I shall bleed to
death, like he bleeds us of taxes. He invented bleeding you know.
Typical of the left. And socialists. And political correctness."
Nurse: "..... ... .... ... F*ckwit".
Later in the empty crematorium ...
Funny? Probably not. Hey ho. I'm a spitfire pilot not a comedian.

so... would you be willing to fly a 90% replica?

[Knackers]

Post by Enzo Matrix

Post by Knackers
Funny? Probably not. Hey ho. I'm a spitfire pilot not a comedian.

so... would you be willing to fly a 90% replica?

I'm sure they could squeeze me into the 90% sized cockpit. It's
the getting me OUT using levering implements and various lubricants
that I'd be warey of.

Maybe just cover myself in lurpack and pull some reverse
G upside down over the airfield with the cockpit open and a
parachute on?

Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!

[allan tracy]

Post by Knackers
Allan Tracy walks into a shop and asks for the Daily Mail as his
internet is down and he wants to be told what to be outraged
at today,

I do take exception to that, the Daily Mail is an authoritarian right
newspaper whereas I consistently back the libertarian viewpoint.

I am however more than capable of wearing such principles on my
sleeve, if they're giving away DVDs.

Post by Knackers
Shopkeeper: "That will be 40p please"
Allan Tracy: "What happened to shillings and pence. This is just
typical of the political correctness and anti-britishness of New Labour."

There's no doubt that decimalisation was an early example of Labour
dumbing down.

[Col]

Post by allan tracy
There's no doubt that decimalisation was an early example of Labour
dumbing down.

Just about every other country in the world has a decimal-based
currency. All that 12 pence to a shilling, 20 shillings to a pound,
sixpences, thrupenny bits and half crowns nonsense.
Oh and 'Guineas'. 21 shillings. A pound and a bit.
What was all that about then, what an insane system!

[Sofa - Spud]

Post by Col

Post by allan tracy
There's no doubt that decimalisation was an early example of Labour
dumbing down.

Just about every other country in the world has a decimal-based
currency. All that 12 pence to a shilling, 20 shillings to a pound,
sixpences, thrupenny bits and half crowns nonsense.
Oh and 'Guineas'. 21 shillings. A pound and a bit.
What was all that about then, what an insane system!
--

Three and thruppence ha'penny and no mistake guvner!!

[allan tracy]

Post by Col

Post by allan tracy
There's no doubt that decimalisation was an early example of Labour
dumbing down.

Just about every other country in the world has a decimal-based
currency. All that 12 pence to a shilling, 20 shillings to a pound,
sixpences, thrupenny bits and half crowns nonsense.
Oh and 'Guineas'. 21 shillings. A pound and a bit.
What was all that about then, what an insane system!
--

Turning decimal was the mathematical equivalent of throwing away
Shakespearian English.

It would be unthinkable for us, and the rest of the World, to discard
large parts of what is one of the most expressive and descriptive of
languages.

Yet, we do precisely this with our weights and measures.

The imperial system is a very good system for improving children's
mathematical skills, introducing as it does the idea of different base
number systems which is quite useful when progressing to the binary
and hexadecimal world of IT.

Combine this with other imperial weights and measures and there's no
doubting that the population as a whole would acquire a level of
mathematical capability far in excess of that required for the one-
dimensional world of decimal.

Imperial measurements are simply more sophisticated than the decimal
equivalents, as are the people that use them.

A return to imperial measurement would also have the advantage of
compliance with our friend, ally and special relation the (forward
looking) US and seriously piss off the French what more could you
want?

[Sofa - Spud]

Post by allan tracy

Post by Col

Post by allan tracy
There's no doubt that decimalisation was an early example of Labour
dumbing down.

Just about every other country in the world has a decimal-based
currency. All that 12 pence to a shilling, 20 shillings to a pound,
sixpences, thrupenny bits and half crowns nonsense.
Oh and 'Guineas'. 21 shillings. A pound and a bit.
What was all that about then, what an insane system!
--

Turning decimal was the mathematical equivalent of throwing away
Shakespearian English.
It would be unthinkable for us, and the rest of the World, to discard
large parts of what is one of the most expressive and descriptive of
languages.
Yet, we do precisely this with our weights and measures.
The imperial system is a very good system for improving children's
mathematical skills, introducing as it does the idea of different base
number systems which is quite useful when progressing to the binary
and hexadecimal world of IT.
Combine this with other imperial weights and measures and there's no
doubting that the population as a whole would acquire a level of
mathematical capability far in excess of that required for the one-
dimensional world of decimal.
Imperial measurements are simply more sophisticated than the decimal
equivalents, as are the people that use them.
A return to imperial measurement would also have the advantage of
compliance with our friend, ally and special relation the (forward
looking) US and seriously piss off the French what more could you
want?

You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?

Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

[allan tracy]

Post by Sofa - Spud
You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?
Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

My point is that it would be undoing what has not been taught for the
last 35yrs.

Sending children out into the World unable to understand furlongs is
not equipping them for real life - e.g. the joys of horse racing.

The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

[Enzo Matrix]

Post by allan tracy

Post by Sofa - Spud
You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?
Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

My point is that it would be undoing what has not been taught for the
last 35yrs.
Sending children out into the World unable to understand furlongs is
not equipping them for real life - e.g. the joys of horse racing.
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

nodnodnod At least it would give them some appreciation for different
measurement systems.

Quite a few years ago now I was the facilities manager in charge of an RAF
explosive storage area. At one point, before the annual inspection, I was in
the process of producing a report on the condition of all the cranes and
hoists in the site. I was unaware of the safe working load of one particular
hoist, so I sent one of the young lads out to read it off the data plate.

He was back in double quick time (keen as mustard, he was - straight out of
training). "It's twenty centiweights, Sarge," he told me confidently.

I had a rapdily sinking feeling as I didn't know what a centiweight was and
would now have to find a new way of thinking to deal with these new very
metric-sounding weights and measures that the youngsters seemed to know all
about.

"Centiweights?" said I. "Are you sure?"

"That's what it says on the plate, Sarge."

So I thanked him for doing the job and sent him out on another errand. I
slunk down to the building to check the plate for myself, because I didn't
have a clue what abbreviation for "centiweight" one would use in a report.

Sure enough, the data plate gave the safe working load of the gantry. 20
cwt.

[Phil O'Sofa]

On Sat, 21 Jul 2007 17:36:52 +0100, Enzo Matrix wrote in

Post by Enzo Matrix

Post by allan tracy

Post by Sofa - Spud
You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?
Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

My point is that it would be undoing what has not been taught for the
last 35yrs.
Sending children out into the World unable to understand furlongs is
not equipping them for real life - e.g. the joys of horse racing.
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

nodnodnod At least it would give them some appreciation for different
measurement systems.
Quite a few years ago now I was the facilities manager in charge of an RAF
explosive storage area. At one point, before the annual inspection, I was in
the process of producing a report on the condition of all the cranes and
hoists in the site. I was unaware of the safe working load of one particular
hoist, so I sent one of the young lads out to read it off the data plate.
He was back in double quick time (keen as mustard, he was - straight out of
training). "It's twenty centiweights, Sarge," he told me confidently.
I had a rapdily sinking feeling as I didn't know what a centiweight was and
would now have to find a new way of thinking to deal with these new very
metric-sounding weights and measures that the youngsters seemed to know all
about.
"Centiweights?" said I. "Are you sure?"
"That's what it says on the plate, Sarge."
So I thanked him for doing the job and sent him out on another errand. I
slunk down to the building to check the plate for myself, because I didn't
have a clue what abbreviation for "centiweight" one would use in a report.
Sure enough, the data plate gave the safe working load of the gantry. 20
cwt.

And was it beyond your wit to ask the errand boy how he came to the
conclusion he did when you knew what the markings were likely to be?
Or is it that the errand boy is on a fast track graduate programme to
replace dinosaurs like you?

[JNugent]

Post by Enzo Matrix

Post by allan tracy

Post by Sofa - Spud
You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?
Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

My point is that it would be undoing what has not been taught for the
last 35yrs.
Sending children out into the World unable to understand furlongs is
not equipping them for real life - e.g. the joys of horse racing.
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

nodnodnod At least it would give them some appreciation for different
measurement systems.
Quite a few years ago now I was the facilities manager in charge of an RAF
explosive storage area. At one point, before the annual inspection, I was in
the process of producing a report on the condition of all the cranes and
hoists in the site. I was unaware of the safe working load of one particular
hoist, so I sent one of the young lads out to read it off the data plate.
He was back in double quick time (keen as mustard, he was - straight out of
training). "It's twenty centiweights, Sarge," he told me confidently.
I had a rapdily sinking feeling as I didn't know what a centiweight was and
would now have to find a new way of thinking to deal with these new very
metric-sounding weights and measures that the youngsters seemed to know all
about.
"Centiweights?" said I. "Are you sure?"
"That's what it says on the plate, Sarge."
So I thanked him for doing the job and sent him out on another errand. I
slunk down to the building to check the plate for myself, because I didn't
have a clue what abbreviation for "centiweight" one would use in a report.
Sure enough, the data plate gave the safe working load of the gantry. 20
cwt.

But surely, "centiweight" is simply an accurate rendition of the
abbreviation "cwt"?

[xxy]

Post by allan tracy

Post by Sofa - Spud
You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?
Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

My point is that it would be undoing what has not been taught for the
last 35yrs.
Sending children out into the World unable to understand furlongs is
not equipping them for real life - e.g. the joys of horse racing.
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

NO? Surely revisionism is the favourite pastime of most of the arses on
this group.

[Sofa - Spud]

Post by xxy

Post by allan tracy

Post by Sofa - Spud
You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?
Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

My point is that it would be undoing what has not been taught for the
last 35yrs.
Sending children out into the World unable to understand furlongs is
not equipping them for real life - e.g. the joys of horse racing.
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

NO? Surely revisionism is the favourite pastime of most of the arses on
this group.

Who would these arses be then ?

Do tell

[xxy]

Post by Sofa - Spud

Post by xxy

Post by allan tracy

Post by Sofa - Spud
You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?
Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

My point is that it would be undoing what has not been taught for the
last 35yrs.
Sending children out into the World unable to understand furlongs is
not equipping them for real life - e.g. the joys of horse racing.
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

NO? Surely revisionism is the favourite pastime of most of the arses on
this group.

Who would these arses be then ?
Do tell

Oh the list is long...

...and falls into two camps, the wank merchants for whom it is only a
matter of time before the thread "Lisa Simpson - would you?" is written,
and the conspiracy theorist hate-the-worlds who have something to say on
every subject under the sun. Shame that most of it is bollocks.

[Phil O'Sofa]

On Sat, 21 Jul 2007 09:00:56 -0700, allan tracy wrote in

Post by allan tracy

Post by Sofa - Spud
You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?
Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

My point is that it would be undoing what has not been taught for the
last 35yrs.
Sending children out into the World unable to understand furlongs is
not equipping them for real life - e.g. the joys of horse racing.

So how are they to cope when watching the Arc and the furlong markers
say 200, 400, 600, 800? Or the Melbourne Cup?

Do you really think that someone into horse racing would not be
numerate? After all they can do the mental arithmetic to understand
what the bookie or the tote will pay them should they happen to pick a
winner. Weights ands distances are easier in metric.

Post by allan tracy
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

Oh yes you can.

[Paul Hyett]

Post by Phil O'Sofa

Post by allan tracy
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

Oh yes you can.

But it *shouldn't* be done - and certainly not in a PC way that paints
Britain as the bad guys. FFS, we stopped tribal warfare in many of the
African colonies - but since we left...

[xxy]

Post by Paul Hyett

Post by Phil O'Sofa

Post by allan tracy
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

Oh yes you can.

But it *shouldn't* be done - and certainly not in a PC way that paints
Britain as the bad guys. FFS, we stopped tribal warfare in many of the
African colonies - but since we left...

So adopting metric (which we did decades ago by the way - NEWSFLASH)
paints Britain as the bad guys? As befits someone who has a slavish
obsession with chart music, you really have shown yourself as a little
Englander and a fool.

[Paul Hyett]

Post by xxy

Post by Paul Hyett
But it *shouldn't* be done - and certainly not in a PC way that paints
Britain as the bad guys. FFS, we stopped tribal warfare in many of the
African colonies - but since we left...

So adopting metric (which we did decades ago by the way - NEWSFLASH)
paints Britain as the bad guys?

Sorry, I lost track of this thread a bit - my connection was down for 24
hours.

Post by xxy
As befits someone who has a slavish
obsession with chart music

Excuse me? All I do is I post a commentary *once* a week - anything else
is just replying to comments about it, to not do so would be rude.

Post by xxy
, you really have shown yourself as a little
Englander
and a fool.

First a complement, then an insult in the same sentence?

[xxy]

Post by Paul Hyett

Post by xxy

Post by Paul Hyett
But it *shouldn't* be done - and certainly not in a PC way that paints
Britain as the bad guys. FFS, we stopped tribal warfare in many of the
African colonies - but since we left...

So adopting metric (which we did decades ago by the way - NEWSFLASH)
paints Britain as the bad guys?

Sorry, I lost track of this thread a bit - my connection was down for 24
hours.

Well that is why I quoted your post above, to help out your bad memory.

Post by Paul Hyett

Post by xxy
As befits someone who has a slavish
obsession with chart music

Excuse me? All I do is I post a commentary *once* a week - anything else
is just replying to comments about it, to not do so would be rude.

Fair enough for a 14 year old girl but outside of chatrooms, I doubt
that you could pass for that.

Post by Paul Hyett

Post by xxy
, you really have shown yourself as a little
Englander
and a fool.

First a complement, then an insult in the same sentence?

Ermm, no, not even a compliment.

[Paul Hyett]

Post by xxy

Post by Paul Hyett

Post by xxy
As befits someone who has a slavish
obsession with chart music

Excuse me? All I do is I post a commentary *once* a week - anything else
is just replying to comments about it, to not do so would be rude.

Fair enough for a 14 year old girl but outside of chatrooms, I doubt
that you could pass for that.

You do realise you don't *have* to read my posts, right?

Post by xxy

Post by Paul Hyett

Post by xxy
, you really have shown yourself as a little
Englander
and a fool.

First a complement, then an insult in the same sentence?

Ermm, no, not even a compliment.

Surely it's how the recipient takes it that counts... :)

[Phil O'Sofa]

On Sun, 22 Jul 2007 08:24:16 GMT, Paul Hyett wrote in uk.media.tv.misc

Post by Paul Hyett

Post by Phil O'Sofa

Post by allan tracy
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

Oh yes you can.

But it *shouldn't* be done - and certainly not in a PC way that paints
Britain as the bad guys.

"Bad" is implying that there is a good.

Teach both and let the pupils work it out for themselves.

Bad is the mess that's been left where attempts to convert road signs
into kph or km distances will cost a fortune to change, take a long
time to carry out and create plenty of confusion for everybody.

Good is the fact that virtually all road going cars have km readings
on them so you can judge your speed. Newer cars have computers on them
that can be set to use Kms instead of miles. As sat nav technology
gets taken up and might eventually become standard kit, knowing how
much farther you still have to travel on long journeys will be
available as a read out from the gizmo.

Good is the stat that most journeys are for less than 10 miles (16km)
a distance that takes a regular given amount of time and so the driver
does not need to know that it is 8 miles or 12 miles or 13km or 19km.
The most important thing is that it takes 30-45 minutes or whatever.

Good is the idea that pints of milk are sold as fractions of litres
and pounds of meat, fish and cheese are sold in kilos. You don't need
to be Einstein to pick up the sizes you are used to picking up. You
just carry on as you are. If you are constantly throwing food away as
it has gone off, you buy smaller amounts next time or if you run out
you buy larger amounts next time. Its not rocket science.

The pint down the pub is becoming a rarity anyway with so many
drinkers swigging from bottles of differing sizes or drinking alcopops
or cocktails. In countries that have gone fully metric there are
differing sizes of glass. Very often asking for a glass will get you a
half litre anyway.

As for the rest it is a mindset thing.

And on the subject of rocket science, wasn't it the Beagle 2
expedition, the British attempt to get to Mars before the Americans,
that failed to land a few years back? All because they calibrated
using Imperial instead of Metric or vice versa.

Now that was bad.

[Col]

Post by allan tracy

Post by Sofa - Spud
You can't _really_ be advocating a return to imperial measures?
Undoing what has been taught in schools for the last 35 yrs - great
idea.

My point is that it would be undoing what has not been taught for the
last 35yrs.
Sending children out into the World unable to understand furlongs is
not equipping them for real life - e.g. the joys of horse racing.

Horse racing??
LOL, there's far more important things in real life than bloody horse
racing!

Post by allan tracy
The imperial World is part of our history and you just can't rewrite
history.

Who says we have to 'rewrite history'?
It's certainly part of our history that we used to have an archaic and
nonsensical weights & measures system, but we've moved on.
Sure, teach kids of it's existence but just like The Empire it's
now *history*.

[Alan Hope]

Post by allan tracy
Turning decimal was the mathematical equivalent of throwing away
Shakespearian English.
It would be unthinkable for us, and the rest of the World, to discard
large parts of what is one of the most expressive and descriptive of
languages.
Yet, we do precisely this with our weights and measures.
The imperial system is a very good system for improving children's
mathematical skills, introducing as it does the idea of different base
number systems which is quite useful when progressing to the binary
and hexadecimal world of IT.

Oh right. That must be why all the major advances were made prior to
1971, and there's been hardly anything since.

Post by allan tracy
Combine this with other imperial weights and measures and there's no
doubting that the population as a whole would acquire a level of
mathematical capability far in excess of that required for the one-
dimensional world of decimal.

It's a capability that's entirely dependent on itself. Take away
pounds and stones and there's simply no need to multiply by 14 and 16.

Post by allan tracy
Imperial measurements are simply more sophisticated than the decimal
equivalents, as are the people that use them.

Whatever that means. Science chooses to use metric, which just shows
what a lot of dullards scientists are, I suppose. Far less intelligent
than Shakespearean actors, for example.

Post by allan tracy
A return to imperial measurement would also have the advantage of
compliance with our friend, ally and special relation the (forward
looking) US and seriously piss off the French what more could you
want?

Special relation my arse.

[Martin]

Post by Alan Hope

Post by allan tracy
A return to imperial measurement would also have the advantage of
compliance with our friend, ally and special relation the (forward
looking) US and seriously piss off the French what more could you
want?

Special relation my arse.

Imperial or US measurement?
http://hypertextbook.com/physics/foundations/system-english/

"gallon [OF galon, jalon, LL. galo, galona, fr. galum a liquid measure;
cf. F. jale large bowl. Cf. {Gill} a measure.] A measure of capacity, containing
four quarts; -- used, for the most part, in liquid measure, but sometimes in dry
measure. Note: The standart gallon of the Unites States contains 231 cubic
inches, or 8.3389 pounds avoirdupois of distilled water at its maximum density,
and with the barometer at 30 inches. This is almost exactly equivalent to a
cylinder of seven inches in diameter and six inches in height, and is the same
as the old English wine gallon. The beer gallon, now little used in the United
States, contains 282 cubic inches. The English imperial gallon contains 10
pounds avoirdupois of distilled water at 62? of Fahrenheit, and barometer at 30
inches, equal to 277.274 cubic inches."

[Alan Hope]

Post by Martin

Post by Alan Hope

Post by allan tracy
A return to imperial measurement would also have the advantage of
compliance with our friend, ally and special relation the (forward
looking) US and seriously piss off the French what more could you
want?

Special relation my arse.

Imperial or US measurement?
http://hypertextbook.com/physics/foundations/system-english/
"gallon [OF galon, jalon, LL. galo, galona, fr. galum a liquid measure;
cf. F. jale large bowl. Cf. {Gill} a measure.] A measure of capacity, containing
four quarts; -- used, for the most part, in liquid measure, but sometimes in dry
measure. Note: The standart gallon of the Unites States contains 231 cubic
inches, or 8.3389 pounds avoirdupois of distilled water at its maximum density,
and with the barometer at 30 inches. This is almost exactly equivalent to a
cylinder of seven inches in diameter and six inches in height, and is the same
as the old English wine gallon. The beer gallon, now little used in the United
States, contains 282 cubic inches. The English imperial gallon contains 10
pounds avoirdupois of distilled water at 62? of Fahrenheit, and barometer at 30
inches, equal to 277.274 cubic inches."

Exactly. And to return to the original point, they do have a decimal
currency.

[Col]

Post by allan tracy

Post by Col

Post by allan tracy
There's no doubt that decimalisation was an early example of Labour
dumbing down.

Just about every other country in the world has a decimal-based
currency. All that 12 pence to a shilling, 20 shillings to a pound,
sixpences, thrupenny bits and half crowns nonsense.
Oh and 'Guineas'. 21 shillings. A pound and a bit.
What was all that about then, what an insane system!
--

Turning decimal was the mathematical equivalent of throwing away
Shakespearian English.

In case you hadn't noticed, our numbers system is decimal based.
It seems so obvious to have our measuring system based upon
the same concept.

Post by allan tracy
It would be unthinkable for us, and the rest of the World, to discard
large parts of what is one of the most expressive and descriptive of
languages.
Yet, we do precisely this with our weights and measures.
The imperial system is a very good system for improving children's
mathematical skills, introducing as it does the idea of different base
number systems which is quite useful when progressing to the binary
and hexadecimal world of IT.

Why make things complicated for ourselves just to help a few IT
workers who are quite capable of grasping the concept of
hexadecimal notation whether they learned imperial or metric at school.

Post by allan tracy
Combine this with other imperial weights and measures and there's no
doubting that the population as a whole would acquire a level of
mathematical capability far in excess of that required for the one-
dimensional world of decimal.
Imperial measurements are simply more sophisticated than the decimal
equivalents, as are the people that use them.

You are confusing 'sophisticated' with 'complicated'.
People who use them are stuck in the dark ages using an archaic
system. Nothing sophisticated about that.

Post by allan tracy
A return to imperial measurement would also have the advantage of
compliance with our friend, ally and special relation the (forward
looking) US and seriously piss off the French what more could you
want?

Pissing off the French, eh?
At last, an advantage :)

BTW, did you see that article on the news the other day that said that
it was in facrt the English who invented the decimal system in 1668
or something like that, over a hundred years before the French took it up?

[JNugent]

Post by allan tracy

Post by Knackers
Allan Tracy walks into a shop and asks for the Daily Mail as his
internet is down and he wants to be told what to be outraged
at today,

I do take exception to that, the Daily Mail is an authoritarian right
newspaper whereas I consistently back the libertarian viewpoint.
I am however more than capable of wearing such principles on my
sleeve, if they're giving away DVDs.

Same here. I've even bought the Guardian and the Daily Mirror for a
free DVD. Taking my cue from Woody Allen in "Bananas", I tried not to
look too shifty and to act as though I bought them everyday. Of
course, the Mirror went straight in the nearest refuse bin. That's
what gave me away. No true Mirror reader would bother looking for a bin.

Post by allan tracy

Post by Knackers
Shopkeeper: "That will be 40p please"
Allan Tracy: "What happened to shillings and pence. This is just
typical of the political correctness and anti-britishness of New Labour."

There's no doubt that decimalisation was an early example of Labour
dumbing down.

It made book-keeping easier.

And it was easier for tourists than threepenny bits, tanners, "silver
shillings" (the staple currency of the prepayment gas-meter
sub-culture), florins, half-crowns. Oh, and taximeters and petrol
pumps could be simplified.

Perhaps there was another advantage too.

[Ed]

Post by JNugent

Post by allan tracy

Post by Knackers
Allan Tracy walks into a shop and asks for the Daily Mail as his
internet is down and he wants to be told what to be outraged
at today,

I do take exception to that, the Daily Mail is an authoritarian right
newspaper whereas I consistently back the libertarian viewpoint.
I am however more than capable of wearing such principles on my
sleeve, if they're giving away DVDs.

Same here. I've even bought the Guardian and the Daily Mirror for a
free DVD. Taking my cue from Woody Allen in "Bananas", I tried not to
look too shifty and to act as though I bought them everyday. Of
course, the Mirror went straight in the nearest refuse bin. That's
what gave me away. No true Mirror reader would bother looking for a bin.

Bloody tory! How dare you not recycle! Global warming is all your
fault!