n***@lightspeed.ca
2006-05-07 21:02:45 UTC
In And Out Of Wicca - A Former Wiccan Speaks
By Donalyn Vaughn
We have asserted on this site that the pagan revival has enjoyed
phenomenal success in recent years because of its simple, yet
compelling call to a lifestyle of tangible, exciting interaction with
so-called gods and goddesses of an infinite number of spiritual
persuasions, from the pantheons of ancient Babylon to the "high
commands" of alien hierarchies aboard UFO's. Whatever their own unique
fascinations may be, one thing is very clear: the countercultural
fabric woven by the multitudes of people involved in the pagan revival
has at least one thing in common, if nothing else, that being the
intensely passionate longing for spiritual experience with the divine.
Ritual and magick may be employed to bring definition and connection,
but the desire for personal encounter underlies all pagan belief
systems. Pursuit of the goddess becomes as much a desire for fellowship
as fulfillment, and such a pursuit was made by Donalyn Vaughn, whose
story we at the TVBSA are privileged to share by Real Audio.
In And Out Of Wicca: An Ex-Wiccan Speaks - Click Here To Listen By
Real Audio
How I got involved in paganism is all too common, I'm afraid.
I was raised in a churched home. By that, I mean that we went to
church but didn't live any differently than my friends who did not go
to church. I was very active in the church growing up and as a teen.
We attended the First Christian Church (independant), and I was active
in youth group, Sunday School, choir. I was there everytime the doors
were open. But I didn't have any strong background at home.
I had always been fascinated by magic. I started off innocently enough
reading my horoscope (my mom did this, and didn't see anything wrong
with it). My favorite movies and TV shows as a kid were all about
witches and magic, now I was living out my fantasy. Just like millions
of people can drink a beer and never get addicted to alcohol, millions
of people can watch a show like Bewitched and never think anything of
it, but some people have a weakness in this area that leaves them
vulnerable. I was one of those people. I had many experiences as a
child that I know opened that door for me, and made me vulnerable. The
pagans I met said I had a gift of the sight that ran in my family. I
know now that Satan used my gifts that God had given me. All of the
little openings into the occult in my childhood (the movies, TV shows,
games I played, etc) opened a door, that Satan used to get me to serve
him rather than God. One movie that really stuck out in my mind as
starting the whole mess was a movie I watched that starred Melissa Sue
Anderson as a bad witch, and another child actress as a good witch. I
didn't know it at the time but it was all about Wicca, and that movie
affected me greatly, and I believed opened the door to my fascination
with witchcraft.
When I went off to college, I got interested in birth charts, and
learned how to do astrological charts for others. I also got really
messed up on drugs while in college, and got more and more interested
in Eastern mysticism. After two years away at school, I was so
depressed and into so much garbage, that I knew I would not survive
another year. One day I woke up and knew I had to go home. I left
college, and soon after returning to home started to look for a church
with young single people (our church was very small and all my friends
had left). I started going to Mt. Paran Church of God in Atlanta, and
was really getting myself on track. I started to community college and
met some Christians, and we formed a gospel quartet.
All was well until I met this guy who was interested in dating me. He
was a Presbyterian, and let it be known he thought pentecostalism was
bogus. I fell for him head over heels, and started going to a
Presbyterian Church (Central Presbyterian Church in Atlanta, one of the
PCUSAs most liberal). I knew nothing about Presbyterian churches, all
my life I had been taught it didn't matter where you went to church,
just so long as you go. From there my beliefs went down hill. Some
women in the church (mostly seminarian students at Columbia
Theological Seminary) were talking about Sophia being the Holy Spirit
one night at one of our singles gatherings (we met at a bar called the
Beer Mug, so that tells you how liberal the church was). That
introduced me to the idea of a female possibility for God.
The pastor was a liberal (he had been kicked out of the Southern
Baptist ministry and fired from his teaching position at a SBC
seminary for teaching that the Bible was not inerrant and saying he did
not believe anything that happened in the first 5 books, and he
certainly didn't believe Moses wrote them). The pastor used to say,
"God in HER infinite wisdom." People would laugh, but he was serious.
He believed in using he and she interchangeably for God. I got active
in this church, and started dating Chris. He was into the occult, but
he was an elder in his Presbyterian Church, so I figured it was all
okay. My church growing up had spoken out against Tarot cards, and
such, but I just figured they were super fundy, and it really was
okay.
My boyfriend was doing a lot of reading about Wicca--it was a
fascination of his (in fact when we split up, it was because he was
interested in a girl that was Wiccan). I read Drawing Down the Moon by
Margot Adler. I still was not into goddess worship, but I started
getting into the occult--tarot cards, ouija board, color magick (Ray
Buckland's books). I then started dating a guy that was into astral
projection, and magick (the pagan spelling to differentiate it from
illusionist's magic). After him, I started dating a guy that was a
Shaman. I got more and more into it--all the while teaching Sunday
School in the Presbyterian Church. I was really into environmentalism,
and was teaching more of that in Sunday School, than Bible stories.
By the time I met and married my husband, I was pretty much through
with calling myself a Christian. My husband was raised in the
Presbyterian Church, but he was FULLY agnostic and would not go to
church with me. I was raised that you go to church on Sunday, so I
convinced him to go to the Unitarian Universalist Church. He fell in
love with it right away. I liked it too, it was intellectual, but
soon, I was needing something more spiritual. I read in the church
bulletin that a group of Unitarian Universalist Pagans were forming
and holding a ritual. I talked my husband into attending. He was not
impressed, but I was hooked. I loved the ritual, and the idea of
having complete control. At first, I got into Native American
Spirituality (mother earth, father sky...) and stuck with its' imagery,
calling deity "great spirit." I was still too uncomfortable to call
on gods and goddesses. But soon, I found myself choosing a pantheon,
and I joined the pagan group - about 6 months later I was really into
goddess worship all out.
You see that's how it is with paganism. At first you get started in
some new age ideas (my actual first one was reincarnation), then you
get into occult stuff, horoscopes, tarot, psychic readings, etc. Then
you start believing that a loving God wouldn't send anyone to hell, so
all paths MUST lead to God...slippery slope straight to hell. I see it
every day. People who claim to be Christians, but accept some new age
ideas, then they throw out the Bible, deny Jesus' divinity, say all
gods are one god, and WHAM! The only way I can describe my journey
into paganism was that it was like an addictive drug. Some people have
a predisposition for alcoholism, and likewise I believe some people
have a predisposition to fall into the occult. The biggest factor
though, was my intense desire to have a personal relationship with
God. I saw paganism as experiential and deeply personal, and I saw
Christianity as impersonal, and distant.
I had given myself a goddess name (Brigid) and gotten on AOL. I was
really involved in the Pagan online community and began studying Wicca
like there was no tomorrow both online and through books. For 3 years
I was active in CUUPS (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans), and
was the leader of our circle. I taught classes on paganism, astrology,
tarot readings, etc. But by the Spring of 1997 I was SICK of Unitarian
Universalism. I was sick of the general lack of
spirituality among UUs, and decided to form a coven of eclectic
witches. We had our first ritual at the Spring Equinox. We decided to
take the summer off from the UU church, and I decided to concentrate
on my coven. We held our mid-summer ritual, and I was in the middle of
planning our Lughnassadh ritual for August when the Lord called me
back to Him.
One day in the summer of 1997, I was driving home from registering my
daughter for preschool, and I heard a voice saying, "I am here,"
everytime I passed a church. Before I knew it, my car would be pulling
into the church parking lot. I know I was the one steering, but it was
as if, I was NOT the one in control. I came home, and cried. I was
shaking, and tingling, and knew God had called me back. When I finally
arrived home (2 hours later), I knew I was being called back to the
church. At first, I thought I would be able to continue my goddess
worship, but just inside church walls. Well, I was wrong. We visited a
church, and I knew I was home. I felt a peace that surpassed any I had
ever known. Within one month, I had turned from a godless heathen to a
God fearing Bible believing Christian. God called me back to Him, and
this time, I made a solemn vow to pursue Him, and His holy word the
same way I had thrown myself into Paganism. To God be the glory,
because He called me to Him. I give thanks to all of those friends of
mine who stood in the gap and prayed without ceasing for me, while I
was away from God. God heard their prayers, and I am so thankful He
did.
My Walk
My walk since then has been what is the true testimony. I have to say
this much for paganism. It was a learning experience. I learned from
it how to LIVE my religion. And I learned to study my religion. When I
returned to Christ, I said I would only do it if I could exceed my
study that I had given paganism, and that I would live my faith. No
more pew warming for me. I am now a Spirit-filled Christian, living
for the Lord. Each day I grow a little more. It's no longer the dead
religion I remembered as a child. I finally realized a few months back
that I had never known what it was like to be a true Christian. You
see I had grown up in a home where we went to church, but that was it.
My folks are still that way. They have no idea what a personal
relationship with Jesus is.
I didn't know that REAL Christianity WAS experiential, that TRUE
Christians have a deeply personal relationship with God. The church I
grew up in never discussed this. You were baptised and you went to
heaven, or you weren't baptised and went to hell--this was all I knew.
When I first learned about the charismata from a Pentecostal friend of
mine, my pastor gave me the book "Charismatic Chaos" by John MacArthur
and told me that all the things my Pentecostal friend did were lies of
the devil. In other words, if your friend has an experiential
relationship with God, it is false, it is not true. God doesn't speak
to us any more, God doesn't reveal Himself to us anymore, the Bible
is sufficient. This just secured in my mind the belief that you cannot
have a personal relationship with God, you cannot experience God and
be a Christian.
When God spoke to me that day in my car in August 1997, it was the
first time in my life I ever heard Him speak to me. It was the first
time I really KNEW that Christianity is NOTHING without a personal
relationship with God. At that moment I began to seek Him rather than
seeking traditions, doctrines, etc. I just sought HIM, and He revealed
Himself to me in a way that I just KNEW I was His, purchased for a
price. I have to say this for the paganism. If it had not been for my
foray into the experience of witchcraft, I don't know if I would have
ever learned what it meant to have a personal relationship with Jesus.
When I returned to Christ, I vowed that I would not return to the dead
religion of my youth. I wanted more. I wanted more than ritual and
tradition. More than a weekly pep talk at the church. I had a
Jesus-sized hole in my heart that needed to be filled 24 hours a day 7
days a week.
It saddens me to think about all the people I knew in the pagan
community who like me were raised in the church, but left seeking
more--seeking a deity they could have a relationship with. The church
has failed miserably. We have become Pharisees raising traditions of
men to the level of revelation of God. We have put God in a box, and
through this so many people who are deeply seeking a relationship with
God are lost, because they think it is something that cannot be
obtained, but that a relationship with false goddesses are possible.
Satan uses the church's failings to his benefit. Paganism offers gods
and goddesses that live within you and communicate directly with you
(or so the lie goes).
What these people do not realize is THIS is what God offers us. When
you are truly saved He sends His Spirit to live in you, He gives you
all the riches of His glory, all the power He used to create the
universe comes and lives inside you! When you are truly His, you are
seated with Him in the heavenly places. He will speak to you, and lead
you if you will only be still and listen. But in so many churches
everyone is so busy talking about God, and learning ABOUT God that they
fail to talk TO God, and Learn WHO God is. I know about everything
there is to know about George Washington, but I will never know him.
Likewise, all that time growing up, I knew plenty ABOUT God, but I
didn't know HIM.
I have tried so many times to talk to pagans who claim that they used
to be Christians. They will say they know everything there is to know
about Christianity and our God. I don't doubt that, but they don't
know Him; if they did they could have never turned away. But if so many
in the churches fail to see the difference in knowing about God, and
knowing God, how can we expect those who are under Satan's control to
see and know the difference?
I have state emphatically that I do not believe in seeking experience.
I do not believe in seeking gifts or power. I believe in seeking God,
when we seek Him, we will have experiences with Him, we will receive
gifts and witness His power in our lives, but it is He that must be
sought, not anything else. I see two extremes in the church today that
are both detrimental to the Body. On the one hand you have the
traditionalists, the cessationsists who teach about God, and who place
God in a box based on man's limited understanding. The other extreme
are those who are chasing experience and power, who see God as a some
sort of Genie in a bottle. One group focuses on what they can do for
God, and the other focuses on what God can do for them. Both just need
to STOP, be still, listen and focus on God.
Oh well, I didn't mean to go off on a sermon. I just can't talk about
how I got involved in paganism and let the church off the hook. Most
people who are active in paganism grew up in the church. Most pagans I
knew came from nominal Christian backgrounds (mostly in mainstream
denominations). People who are vulnerable to paganism are deeply
spiritual beings. They want more than what they believe Christianity
has to offer. They despise religion, and want an experience with the
divine, a relationship that goes beyond the four walls of a church.
Satan loves to twist the truths of God. He does this with these people
convincing them that what they seek cannot be found in Jesus, but what
they seek is the essence of a relationship with Christ. Just as in
Jesus' day, the religionists have elevated their tradition to a point
that message is getting lost.
A testimony that is just a conversion experience is not much of a
testimony. My life now is my testimony. I have a lot to work on and a
long way to go, but I live my life each day for the Lord. Bible study,
prayer, and church are all integral parts to my spiritual life. I came
back to AOL after a year's absence so I could share my faith, and have
fellowship online with other believers. What an awesome responsibility
God gives each of us, to Go out and make disciples of all nations.
What better way to do this than through the internet? Through the
computer we can reach people that might never be reached any other way.
But it is not always easy, and the road is often fraught with
hostilities and attacks, but for those who take on this ministry the
benefits far outweigh the strife. I get such abundant joy every time I
share Scripture and someone GETS it.
Keeping the Faith
I believe that everyone needs to find a church home. Yes, we can
worship the Lord and study His word without a church, but corporate
worship is pleasing to God, and it helps strengthen the Christian walk
of those who actively participate. We do not just attend church to get
something out of it for us, but to serve the Lord and others. But, you
must find the RIGHT church. We left our church home of the past two
years, because we had stopped growing there. Spiritual growth is
vital. If we do not grow, we remain babes in the faith, and we cannot
produce fruit if we are needing to be bottle fed. Praise God we have
found a new church home that will allow us to continue to grow in
Christ. I am pleased, and nervous, because I know, there will be no
more slacking off in this new church. If you feel that your walk is
stagnate, ask yourself if you are growing in your church. Are you
being fed? Are you feeding others?
Remember Jesus told His disciples that there comes a time when one
must quit just being taught and begin to teach others. Spreading the
Gospel is not as scary as some may believe. You do not have to go door
to door. You do not have to stand on the street corner and bang a
drum. You can write letters of encouragement to those who are in pain.
You can write letters of encouragement to missionaries, maybe
something you say will help them reach someone they may otherwise not
reach. You can share God's message through your actions as well as
your words. Be kind. Have an open heart, and time to really listen
when someone needs an ear to hear, and a shoulder to cry on. Show
compassion. Remember Jesus in Mark 6 after John the Baptist had been
murdered, took time, and was compassionate to His followers, even
though He was grieving and wanted to be alone with His emotions. We
should strive to be like Jesus, and be compassionate to those who are
hurting and in distress. I pray that this site has strengthened your
walk, made you think, or at least made you say "amen" once. May God
Bless you and keep you, til we meet in the sky.
By Donalyn Vaughn
We have asserted on this site that the pagan revival has enjoyed
phenomenal success in recent years because of its simple, yet
compelling call to a lifestyle of tangible, exciting interaction with
so-called gods and goddesses of an infinite number of spiritual
persuasions, from the pantheons of ancient Babylon to the "high
commands" of alien hierarchies aboard UFO's. Whatever their own unique
fascinations may be, one thing is very clear: the countercultural
fabric woven by the multitudes of people involved in the pagan revival
has at least one thing in common, if nothing else, that being the
intensely passionate longing for spiritual experience with the divine.
Ritual and magick may be employed to bring definition and connection,
but the desire for personal encounter underlies all pagan belief
systems. Pursuit of the goddess becomes as much a desire for fellowship
as fulfillment, and such a pursuit was made by Donalyn Vaughn, whose
story we at the TVBSA are privileged to share by Real Audio.
In And Out Of Wicca: An Ex-Wiccan Speaks - Click Here To Listen By
Real Audio
How I got involved in paganism is all too common, I'm afraid.
I was raised in a churched home. By that, I mean that we went to
church but didn't live any differently than my friends who did not go
to church. I was very active in the church growing up and as a teen.
We attended the First Christian Church (independant), and I was active
in youth group, Sunday School, choir. I was there everytime the doors
were open. But I didn't have any strong background at home.
I had always been fascinated by magic. I started off innocently enough
reading my horoscope (my mom did this, and didn't see anything wrong
with it). My favorite movies and TV shows as a kid were all about
witches and magic, now I was living out my fantasy. Just like millions
of people can drink a beer and never get addicted to alcohol, millions
of people can watch a show like Bewitched and never think anything of
it, but some people have a weakness in this area that leaves them
vulnerable. I was one of those people. I had many experiences as a
child that I know opened that door for me, and made me vulnerable. The
pagans I met said I had a gift of the sight that ran in my family. I
know now that Satan used my gifts that God had given me. All of the
little openings into the occult in my childhood (the movies, TV shows,
games I played, etc) opened a door, that Satan used to get me to serve
him rather than God. One movie that really stuck out in my mind as
starting the whole mess was a movie I watched that starred Melissa Sue
Anderson as a bad witch, and another child actress as a good witch. I
didn't know it at the time but it was all about Wicca, and that movie
affected me greatly, and I believed opened the door to my fascination
with witchcraft.
When I went off to college, I got interested in birth charts, and
learned how to do astrological charts for others. I also got really
messed up on drugs while in college, and got more and more interested
in Eastern mysticism. After two years away at school, I was so
depressed and into so much garbage, that I knew I would not survive
another year. One day I woke up and knew I had to go home. I left
college, and soon after returning to home started to look for a church
with young single people (our church was very small and all my friends
had left). I started going to Mt. Paran Church of God in Atlanta, and
was really getting myself on track. I started to community college and
met some Christians, and we formed a gospel quartet.
All was well until I met this guy who was interested in dating me. He
was a Presbyterian, and let it be known he thought pentecostalism was
bogus. I fell for him head over heels, and started going to a
Presbyterian Church (Central Presbyterian Church in Atlanta, one of the
PCUSAs most liberal). I knew nothing about Presbyterian churches, all
my life I had been taught it didn't matter where you went to church,
just so long as you go. From there my beliefs went down hill. Some
women in the church (mostly seminarian students at Columbia
Theological Seminary) were talking about Sophia being the Holy Spirit
one night at one of our singles gatherings (we met at a bar called the
Beer Mug, so that tells you how liberal the church was). That
introduced me to the idea of a female possibility for God.
The pastor was a liberal (he had been kicked out of the Southern
Baptist ministry and fired from his teaching position at a SBC
seminary for teaching that the Bible was not inerrant and saying he did
not believe anything that happened in the first 5 books, and he
certainly didn't believe Moses wrote them). The pastor used to say,
"God in HER infinite wisdom." People would laugh, but he was serious.
He believed in using he and she interchangeably for God. I got active
in this church, and started dating Chris. He was into the occult, but
he was an elder in his Presbyterian Church, so I figured it was all
okay. My church growing up had spoken out against Tarot cards, and
such, but I just figured they were super fundy, and it really was
okay.
My boyfriend was doing a lot of reading about Wicca--it was a
fascination of his (in fact when we split up, it was because he was
interested in a girl that was Wiccan). I read Drawing Down the Moon by
Margot Adler. I still was not into goddess worship, but I started
getting into the occult--tarot cards, ouija board, color magick (Ray
Buckland's books). I then started dating a guy that was into astral
projection, and magick (the pagan spelling to differentiate it from
illusionist's magic). After him, I started dating a guy that was a
Shaman. I got more and more into it--all the while teaching Sunday
School in the Presbyterian Church. I was really into environmentalism,
and was teaching more of that in Sunday School, than Bible stories.
By the time I met and married my husband, I was pretty much through
with calling myself a Christian. My husband was raised in the
Presbyterian Church, but he was FULLY agnostic and would not go to
church with me. I was raised that you go to church on Sunday, so I
convinced him to go to the Unitarian Universalist Church. He fell in
love with it right away. I liked it too, it was intellectual, but
soon, I was needing something more spiritual. I read in the church
bulletin that a group of Unitarian Universalist Pagans were forming
and holding a ritual. I talked my husband into attending. He was not
impressed, but I was hooked. I loved the ritual, and the idea of
having complete control. At first, I got into Native American
Spirituality (mother earth, father sky...) and stuck with its' imagery,
calling deity "great spirit." I was still too uncomfortable to call
on gods and goddesses. But soon, I found myself choosing a pantheon,
and I joined the pagan group - about 6 months later I was really into
goddess worship all out.
You see that's how it is with paganism. At first you get started in
some new age ideas (my actual first one was reincarnation), then you
get into occult stuff, horoscopes, tarot, psychic readings, etc. Then
you start believing that a loving God wouldn't send anyone to hell, so
all paths MUST lead to God...slippery slope straight to hell. I see it
every day. People who claim to be Christians, but accept some new age
ideas, then they throw out the Bible, deny Jesus' divinity, say all
gods are one god, and WHAM! The only way I can describe my journey
into paganism was that it was like an addictive drug. Some people have
a predisposition for alcoholism, and likewise I believe some people
have a predisposition to fall into the occult. The biggest factor
though, was my intense desire to have a personal relationship with
God. I saw paganism as experiential and deeply personal, and I saw
Christianity as impersonal, and distant.
I had given myself a goddess name (Brigid) and gotten on AOL. I was
really involved in the Pagan online community and began studying Wicca
like there was no tomorrow both online and through books. For 3 years
I was active in CUUPS (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans), and
was the leader of our circle. I taught classes on paganism, astrology,
tarot readings, etc. But by the Spring of 1997 I was SICK of Unitarian
Universalism. I was sick of the general lack of
spirituality among UUs, and decided to form a coven of eclectic
witches. We had our first ritual at the Spring Equinox. We decided to
take the summer off from the UU church, and I decided to concentrate
on my coven. We held our mid-summer ritual, and I was in the middle of
planning our Lughnassadh ritual for August when the Lord called me
back to Him.
One day in the summer of 1997, I was driving home from registering my
daughter for preschool, and I heard a voice saying, "I am here,"
everytime I passed a church. Before I knew it, my car would be pulling
into the church parking lot. I know I was the one steering, but it was
as if, I was NOT the one in control. I came home, and cried. I was
shaking, and tingling, and knew God had called me back. When I finally
arrived home (2 hours later), I knew I was being called back to the
church. At first, I thought I would be able to continue my goddess
worship, but just inside church walls. Well, I was wrong. We visited a
church, and I knew I was home. I felt a peace that surpassed any I had
ever known. Within one month, I had turned from a godless heathen to a
God fearing Bible believing Christian. God called me back to Him, and
this time, I made a solemn vow to pursue Him, and His holy word the
same way I had thrown myself into Paganism. To God be the glory,
because He called me to Him. I give thanks to all of those friends of
mine who stood in the gap and prayed without ceasing for me, while I
was away from God. God heard their prayers, and I am so thankful He
did.
My Walk
My walk since then has been what is the true testimony. I have to say
this much for paganism. It was a learning experience. I learned from
it how to LIVE my religion. And I learned to study my religion. When I
returned to Christ, I said I would only do it if I could exceed my
study that I had given paganism, and that I would live my faith. No
more pew warming for me. I am now a Spirit-filled Christian, living
for the Lord. Each day I grow a little more. It's no longer the dead
religion I remembered as a child. I finally realized a few months back
that I had never known what it was like to be a true Christian. You
see I had grown up in a home where we went to church, but that was it.
My folks are still that way. They have no idea what a personal
relationship with Jesus is.
I didn't know that REAL Christianity WAS experiential, that TRUE
Christians have a deeply personal relationship with God. The church I
grew up in never discussed this. You were baptised and you went to
heaven, or you weren't baptised and went to hell--this was all I knew.
When I first learned about the charismata from a Pentecostal friend of
mine, my pastor gave me the book "Charismatic Chaos" by John MacArthur
and told me that all the things my Pentecostal friend did were lies of
the devil. In other words, if your friend has an experiential
relationship with God, it is false, it is not true. God doesn't speak
to us any more, God doesn't reveal Himself to us anymore, the Bible
is sufficient. This just secured in my mind the belief that you cannot
have a personal relationship with God, you cannot experience God and
be a Christian.
When God spoke to me that day in my car in August 1997, it was the
first time in my life I ever heard Him speak to me. It was the first
time I really KNEW that Christianity is NOTHING without a personal
relationship with God. At that moment I began to seek Him rather than
seeking traditions, doctrines, etc. I just sought HIM, and He revealed
Himself to me in a way that I just KNEW I was His, purchased for a
price. I have to say this for the paganism. If it had not been for my
foray into the experience of witchcraft, I don't know if I would have
ever learned what it meant to have a personal relationship with Jesus.
When I returned to Christ, I vowed that I would not return to the dead
religion of my youth. I wanted more. I wanted more than ritual and
tradition. More than a weekly pep talk at the church. I had a
Jesus-sized hole in my heart that needed to be filled 24 hours a day 7
days a week.
It saddens me to think about all the people I knew in the pagan
community who like me were raised in the church, but left seeking
more--seeking a deity they could have a relationship with. The church
has failed miserably. We have become Pharisees raising traditions of
men to the level of revelation of God. We have put God in a box, and
through this so many people who are deeply seeking a relationship with
God are lost, because they think it is something that cannot be
obtained, but that a relationship with false goddesses are possible.
Satan uses the church's failings to his benefit. Paganism offers gods
and goddesses that live within you and communicate directly with you
(or so the lie goes).
What these people do not realize is THIS is what God offers us. When
you are truly saved He sends His Spirit to live in you, He gives you
all the riches of His glory, all the power He used to create the
universe comes and lives inside you! When you are truly His, you are
seated with Him in the heavenly places. He will speak to you, and lead
you if you will only be still and listen. But in so many churches
everyone is so busy talking about God, and learning ABOUT God that they
fail to talk TO God, and Learn WHO God is. I know about everything
there is to know about George Washington, but I will never know him.
Likewise, all that time growing up, I knew plenty ABOUT God, but I
didn't know HIM.
I have tried so many times to talk to pagans who claim that they used
to be Christians. They will say they know everything there is to know
about Christianity and our God. I don't doubt that, but they don't
know Him; if they did they could have never turned away. But if so many
in the churches fail to see the difference in knowing about God, and
knowing God, how can we expect those who are under Satan's control to
see and know the difference?
I have state emphatically that I do not believe in seeking experience.
I do not believe in seeking gifts or power. I believe in seeking God,
when we seek Him, we will have experiences with Him, we will receive
gifts and witness His power in our lives, but it is He that must be
sought, not anything else. I see two extremes in the church today that
are both detrimental to the Body. On the one hand you have the
traditionalists, the cessationsists who teach about God, and who place
God in a box based on man's limited understanding. The other extreme
are those who are chasing experience and power, who see God as a some
sort of Genie in a bottle. One group focuses on what they can do for
God, and the other focuses on what God can do for them. Both just need
to STOP, be still, listen and focus on God.
Oh well, I didn't mean to go off on a sermon. I just can't talk about
how I got involved in paganism and let the church off the hook. Most
people who are active in paganism grew up in the church. Most pagans I
knew came from nominal Christian backgrounds (mostly in mainstream
denominations). People who are vulnerable to paganism are deeply
spiritual beings. They want more than what they believe Christianity
has to offer. They despise religion, and want an experience with the
divine, a relationship that goes beyond the four walls of a church.
Satan loves to twist the truths of God. He does this with these people
convincing them that what they seek cannot be found in Jesus, but what
they seek is the essence of a relationship with Christ. Just as in
Jesus' day, the religionists have elevated their tradition to a point
that message is getting lost.
A testimony that is just a conversion experience is not much of a
testimony. My life now is my testimony. I have a lot to work on and a
long way to go, but I live my life each day for the Lord. Bible study,
prayer, and church are all integral parts to my spiritual life. I came
back to AOL after a year's absence so I could share my faith, and have
fellowship online with other believers. What an awesome responsibility
God gives each of us, to Go out and make disciples of all nations.
What better way to do this than through the internet? Through the
computer we can reach people that might never be reached any other way.
But it is not always easy, and the road is often fraught with
hostilities and attacks, but for those who take on this ministry the
benefits far outweigh the strife. I get such abundant joy every time I
share Scripture and someone GETS it.
Keeping the Faith
I believe that everyone needs to find a church home. Yes, we can
worship the Lord and study His word without a church, but corporate
worship is pleasing to God, and it helps strengthen the Christian walk
of those who actively participate. We do not just attend church to get
something out of it for us, but to serve the Lord and others. But, you
must find the RIGHT church. We left our church home of the past two
years, because we had stopped growing there. Spiritual growth is
vital. If we do not grow, we remain babes in the faith, and we cannot
produce fruit if we are needing to be bottle fed. Praise God we have
found a new church home that will allow us to continue to grow in
Christ. I am pleased, and nervous, because I know, there will be no
more slacking off in this new church. If you feel that your walk is
stagnate, ask yourself if you are growing in your church. Are you
being fed? Are you feeding others?
Remember Jesus told His disciples that there comes a time when one
must quit just being taught and begin to teach others. Spreading the
Gospel is not as scary as some may believe. You do not have to go door
to door. You do not have to stand on the street corner and bang a
drum. You can write letters of encouragement to those who are in pain.
You can write letters of encouragement to missionaries, maybe
something you say will help them reach someone they may otherwise not
reach. You can share God's message through your actions as well as
your words. Be kind. Have an open heart, and time to really listen
when someone needs an ear to hear, and a shoulder to cry on. Show
compassion. Remember Jesus in Mark 6 after John the Baptist had been
murdered, took time, and was compassionate to His followers, even
though He was grieving and wanted to be alone with His emotions. We
should strive to be like Jesus, and be compassionate to those who are
hurting and in distress. I pray that this site has strengthened your
walk, made you think, or at least made you say "amen" once. May God
Bless you and keep you, til we meet in the sky.