Post by BadriyaI need jokes for 6 year olds. Maybe 2 or 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays.
I gathered up a whole lot of these, some time ago, as an alternative
set of sig lines...
Q. What do you call a man with a bulldozer on his head?
A. Squashed
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Q. When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
A. When you're a mouse
Q. Where does a dog go when he loses his tail?
A. To a re-tailer
Q. What do pixies and elves do after school?
A. Gnomework
Q. Which fish wears a cowboy hat and two guns?
A. Billy the squid
Q. What do you do when you find a space man?
A. Park in it man.
Q. What's white and crumbly and swings through the trees?
A. A meringutang
Q. Who do you get to baby-sit the kids?
A. A nanny goat
Q. What does a vegetarian cannibal eat?
A. Swedes.
Q. Why would a golfer wear two pairs of socks?
A. In case he gets a hole in one.
Q. What do get if you walk under a cow?
A. A pat on the head.
A ghost walks into a pub and asks for a whisky.
The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits."
Q. What do you call a weird market?
A. A bizarre bazaar.
Q. Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of trousers?
A. In case he got a hole in one
Q. Where does Tarzan buy his clothes?
A. At a jungle sale
Q. What can you make that cannot be seen?
A. A noise.
Q. What do you call just married spiders?
A. Newly-webs.
Q. What happened when the Ice Monster ate a curry?
A. He blew his cool
Q. Why did the tightrope walker visit his bank?
A. To check his balance.
Q. What did the fireman's wife get her for Christmas?
A. A ladder in her stocking
Q. What was the tortoise doing on the motorway?
A. About 1 mph.
Tuner: I've come to tune your piano.
Mr Smith: But I didn't send for you.
Tuner: No, your neighbours did.
Q. Which bird always succeeds?
A. A budgie with no teeth.
Q. What do monsters have for breakfast?
A. Dreaded wheat.
Q. How do you make an apple puff?
A. Chase it round the garden a few times.
Q. Where did Sir Lancelot study?
A. Knight school.
Q. What do you get if you cross a sheep with a grasshopper?
A. A woolly jumper.
Q. What's purple and shouts "Help"?
A. A damson in distress.
Doctor, doctor! Please can you help me out?
Of course - which way did you come in?
Q. When do astronauts eat?
A. At launch time.
Q. How do you stop a skunk smelling?
A. Hold its nose.
Q. What's the best birthday present for a little boy?
A. Well a drum takes a lot of beating!
Q. Why did the baby foal take throat lozenges?
A. Because he was a little horse.
Q. Who was the biggest robber in history?
A. Atlas - he held up the world.
Q. How's the little lad who swallowed the £1 coin, doctor?
A. No change yet, I'm afraid.
Q. How do Vikings send secret messages?
A. They use Norse code.
Q. What did the great explorer eat in the jungle?
A. Steak and pygmy pie.
Q. What will they do if the Forth Bridge collapses?
A. Build a fifth bridge.
Q. Why is Europe like a frying pan?
A. Because it has Greece at the bottom.
Q. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip to outer space?
A. He wanted to find Pluto.
Q. Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A. Because his daddy was a mummy.
Q. Why do animals have fur coats?
A. Because they'd look silly in anoraks.
Q. What question can you never answer YES to?
A. Are you asleep?
Teacher: Make up a sentence using the word centimetre?
Boy: My little sister was walking home, and I was centimetre.
Q. What do you call a man wearing ear-muffs?
A. Anything you like - he can't hear you!
Q. What lives in the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What lies in a pram and wobbles?
A. A jelly baby.
Q. What's the most popular gardening magazine in the world?
A. Weeder's Digest.
Q. What do you call a fairy who hasn't had a wash for a week?
A. Stinkerbell
Q. Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
A. It wanted to be a first aid kit.
Customer: Excuse me, waiter, do you know what kind of bird this is?
Waiter: It's a wood pigeon, Sir.
Customer: I thought so - bring me a saw.
Q. What would you get if all the cars in the U.S. were red?
A. A red carnation
Q. What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A. A centipede with sore feet.
Q. What do ghosts play at parties?
A. Haunt and seek.
Q. Where do frogs leave their coats?
A. In the croakroom.
Q. What is green and moody?
A. The incredible sulk.
Customer: Waiter! Waiter! This egg's bad.
Waiter: Don't blame me. I only lay the tables.
Q. Why do bees hum?
A. Because they can't remember the words.
Newsflash: Forty pedigree dogs have been stolen.
Police say they have no leads.
Q. Do you know the quickest way to the station?
A. Yes - run!
Q. What do you call a crate of ducks?
A. A box of quackers
My girlfriend's a twin.
How can you tell them apart?
Her brother's got a beard.
Q. What do you call a man with jelly in one ear and custard in the other?
A. A trifle deaf.
Q. Where are the Andes?
A. At the end of your armies
Q. How does a monkey make toast in the zoo?
A. He sticks it under the gorilla.
Q. Why did the landlord refuse to serve the ghost?
A. He didn't have a licence to serve spirits.
Q. What do you get after it has been taken?
A. Your photograph
Q. Which dog is the most expensive of all?
A. A deer hound!
Wife: Did you take a bath this morning?
Husband: Why is there one missing?
Q. How do hens dance?
A. Chick to chick
Q. What has a bottom at the top?
A. A Leg!
Q. Why did the nurse creep into the cupboard?
A. So as not to wake the sleeping pills
Q. What has a neck but no head?
A. A bottle
Q. How do you start a pudding race?
A. Sago
Q. What goes tick-tock-woof?
A. A watch dog!
Q. Where does Friday come before Thursday?
A. In the dictionary
Q. How does Jack Frost get to work?
A. By icicle!
Q. What do you do with a sick budgie?
A. Give him tweetment
Q. What does the ocean say when it meets the coast?
A. Nothing it just waves!
Q. What do you get from nervous cows?
A. Milk shakes!
Q. Are you a piece of string?
A. No, I'm afraid not.
Q. What happened to the hyena that swallowed an Oxo cube?
A. He made a laughing stock of himself.
Q. Why does the milking stool have only 2 legs?
A. Because the cow has the udder one.
Q. What do you call Santa's little helpers?
A. Subordinate clauses!
Q. What did baby corn say to mummy corn?
A. Where's popcorn?
Q. What sort of sentence would you get if you broke the law of gravity?
A. A suspended one!
Q. How do snowmen get around?
A. They ride an icicle
Q. How do monkeys make toast?
A. Stick some bread under the gorilla!
Q. How do witches tell the time?
A. With a witch-watch!
Q. What do you get if you cross a hen with a bedside clock?
A. An alarm cluck!
Q. What song did Cinderella sing as she waited four months for her
photos to come back from the chemist?
A. 'Some day my prints will come!'
Q. What is Santa's favourite pizza?
A. One that's deep pan, crisp and even
Q. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A. A mince spy!
Q. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!
Q. Why did the tightrope walker visit his bank?
A. To check his balance
Q. Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A. Because his daddy was a mummy
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Cheers, Serena
If you smile at life, life will smile back at you...